“Donny, you’re out of your element.”

“And what was all that s— about Vietnam? What the f—, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the f— are you talking about?

“Mark it zero!”

“Are we going to split hairs here? Am I wrong?”

“You have no frame of reference here, Donny.”

“Is this your homework, Larry? Is this yours, Larry?”

“Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a s— about the rules?”

“These f—in’ amateurs.”

“Yeah? Well, you know, that’s, like, your opinion, man.”

“And proud we are of all of them.”

Part one of two:

Part two of two:

How to change a headlight in a 1998 Corolla, by Jim Y. Trammell:
1. Buy a headlight.
2. Open the hood.
3. Estimate how many parts of the car you’ll need to take out in order to install the new headlight.
4. Google “How to change a headlight in a 1998 Corolla” to see if your estimation is correct.
5. Realize you estimation is off by three extra pieces.
6. Curse silently.
7. Try to remove the battery without tools.
8. Get wrench.
9. Remove metal bar holding battery in place.
10. Promptly misplace bolts from the metal bar. (This is very important)
11. Curse under your breath.
12. Attempt to disconnect battery without tools.
13. Get socket set.
14. Disconnect battery.
15. Lift battery out of car.
16. Drop battery on foot.
17. Curse using “inside voice.”
18. Unplug old headlight.
19. Attempt to remove rubber guard holding the headlight in place without tools.
20. Get flathead screwdriver.
21. Wedge the rubber guard open.
22. Discover that the headlight is being held in place by a clip
23. Curse using “outside voice.”
24. Attempt to remove the clip without tools.
25. Get Phillips head screwdriver.
26. Remove clip.
27. Remove headlight.
28. Put new headlight in socket.
29. Attempt to put the clip back in place.
30. Drop clip.
31. Put clip back in place using Phillips head screwdriver.
32. Locate the rubber guard.
33. Attempt to wedge the rubber guard back in place.
34. Consider whether or not it is worth putting the rubber guard back in place.
35. Drop battery back into the car.
36. Locate metal bar that holds the battery in place.
37. Attempt to put the bar back on the battery.
38. Try again.
39. Try again.
40. Try again.
41. Curse like you are trying to get someone’s attention a block away.
42. Finally get the bar in place.
43. Locate the bolts that you promptly misplaced back in step 10.
44. Invent new curses.
45. Concede defeat.
46. Take a nap.
47. Realize that before you can go anywhere you need to finish the job.
48. Find the bolts.
49. Put them back on the bar.
50. Reconnect the battery.
51. Test light.

How to change a headlight in a 1998 Corolla, by Anne Marie Kinman Trammell:
1. Ask Jim to do it for you.